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After having 3 kids, I finally realized something: I had to stop putting such insanely high standards on myself as a mother because trying to be the “perfect mom” was absolutely destroying my mental health.
You know the moms social media constantly pushes in our faces:
- spotless white houses (seriously… WHO owns white couches with kids??)
- aesthetic lunches
- matching neutral outfits
- cute prepped activities every single day
- somehow always looking presentable
- and living what looks like the perfect Pinterest life
Meanwhile, I was over here trying to drink my matcha before somebody stole it and figuring out why there was a sock in my fridge.
And honestly, the second I stopped comparing myself to social media moms and stopped chasing perfection… my mental health got SO much better.
I Stopped Expecting Perfection
I don’t expect a spotless house anymore.
Now listen… I’m not letting my kids sleep in trash and crumbs. But toys on the floor? Laundry piled up? Dishes in the sink? Clothes not folded yet? It can WAIT.
I usually try to do little 15-minute resets throughout the day, but I stopped going into those resets expecting perfection. Because perfection does NOT exist in my life anymore.
And THAT’S OKAY. Actually? It’s healthy.
My house looks lived in because people LIVE here. Tiny chaotic people with sticky hands and absolutely no respect for folded laundry.
The Hardest Part Was Changing My Mindset
THIS was the hardest part for me because honestly? The mess was never really the issue.
My mindset was.
I used to blame myself constantly for:
- dishes not being done
- clothes not folded and put away
- toys covering the floor
- needing breaks
- feeling overwhelmed
- not “doing enough”
I genuinely thought struggling meant I was failing.
Now when I start mentally spiraling, I stop and remind myself:
“My kids are happy right?”
“They SURVIVED the day no?”
“They are loved?”
If the answer is yes… then I’m doing okay.
That mindset shift changed EVERYTHING for me, but trust me… that change was NOT easy.
I actually went to therapy every other week for half a year to learn how to:
- love myself again
- stop putting impossible pressure on myself
- change my thinking
- stop attaching my worth to productivity
And honestly? Therapy is NOT a negative thing.
I wish there wasn’t such a horrible stigma around it because it is SO freaking healthy. I would do therapy again in a heartbeat, especially for moms dealing with ADHD, anxiety, depression, overstimulation, burnout, or postpartum struggles.
Motherhood is mentally HARD. You are not weak for needing help. You are human.
In Other Words… Stop With the High Expectations!
Seriously.
Stop expecting yourself to:
- do everything perfectly
- always be patient
- always be productive
- always be fully present 24/7
It is OKAY to need a break. It is OKAY to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for 5 minutes for a reset.
And if that means:
- screen time
- frozen pizza nights
- letting the kids destroy the living room while you mentally reset
IT IS OKAY.
Social media acts like moms should constantly entertain their kids, clean, cook, organize, teach, regulate everyone’s emotions, and somehow never lose patience.
Meanwhile, my kids are acting like caffeinated raccoons climbing the couch while I’m reheating my matcha for the third time. That is REAL motherhood.
A Few Things Saving My Sanity Right Now
My AirPods
Sometimes motherhood gets LOUD loud. Like somebody crying, somebody yelling “MOMMMMM,” and the baby throwing a fit because I handed him the blue cup instead of the invisible cup he apparently wanted.
Sometimes I need to throw my AirPods in, blast music, and mentally escape for 10 minutes before I lose what little sanity I have left.
And honestly? That DOES NOT make me a bad mom. It makes me a human trying to regulate her nervous system while raising tiny feral humans.
My Morning Matcha
Every single morning, I make my matcha. And yes, my youngest acts like every drink I own personally belongs to him.
But honestly? That little routine became important for my mental health because after spending all day taking care of everybody else, I realized I needed SOMETHING every day that was just for me, too.
Sometimes self-care isn’t some giant spa day.
Sometimes it’s:
- drinking your matcha while it’s still hot
- doing skincare before bed
- sitting in silence for 5 minutes
- hiding in your car before walking inside the house
Tiny things matter because you cannot constantly pour from an empty cup while tiny people scream “MOMMMMM” every 14 seconds.
My Veer Wagon
Listen. I used to think people were dramatic about wagons.
Then I had 3 kids.
Now? I would probably cry if something happened to mine.
Doctor appointments. Dentist. Parks. Grocery stores. Outdoor events.
That thing keeps my tiny chaos crew contained in public, so I DON’T have to chase 3 kids running in different directions like I’m in some extreme parenting obstacle course.
And honestly? Anything that makes motherhood easier is worth it.
Not Expecting Perfect Meals Every Day
At one point, I genuinely thought being a “good mom” meant making beautiful homemade meals every single night.
Meanwhile, at my house? Somebody is crying because their chicken nugget “looks weird,” one kid suddenly hates the meal they begged for yesterday, and my toddler is probably feeding half his dinner to the dog.
And honestly? I stopped putting so much pressure on myself over food.
Some days dinner is homemade. Some days it’s frozen pizza and survival mode. And guess what? Everybody still survives.
One thing that genuinely helps my mental load SO much is theme nights. Every Friday is pizza night in our house.
Not because I’m lazy. But because removing even ONE decision from my brain helps more than people realize.
Tiny predictable routines seriously save my sanity with 3 little kids because motherhood already requires us to make about 46,000 decisions a day.
Does pizza night help your mental health a little?
THEN DO THE PIZZA NIGHT.
At The End Of The Day, I Wish More Moms Heard…
- Your house does not need to look perfect to be full of love.
- Rest is productive too.
- Therapy is healthy.
- Screen time does not make you a bad mom.
- Taking care of yourself matters.
- Your worth is NOT based on how clean your kitchen is.
And most importantly?
Your kids are not going to remember whether the laundry was folded. They’re going to remember that they felt safe, loved, and happy.
And honestly? That matters so much more.
